i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
