Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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