I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
