I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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