I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
