Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
