I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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