I need to stop coming to work sober
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
