He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
