i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
