If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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