im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
