Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
