I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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