Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
