nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
