don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
