So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
