It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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