You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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