the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
