just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Panties = found
Randomize
