He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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