If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
