end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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