New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
