So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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