That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
