that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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