my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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