oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
