What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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