i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
