you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I need moral support for this bender
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
