i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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