i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
