Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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