My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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