I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
