Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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