the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
