Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
