I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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