White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
