i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
