My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
