Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
