Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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