FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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