I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
