just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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