if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't want my vagina anymore.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
