you guys were way drunker than both of me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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