apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
