I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
