That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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