He passed out mid-signature
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i now understand why vodka
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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