im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
