how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
