We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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