i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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