just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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