just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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