i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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