I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
