Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
