so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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