just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize